There is certainly nothing fun about “Fun Size” as it’s the kind of film that can easily be associated with such phrases as ‘the bottom of the barrel’. Every single minute of it is so bad that it can be banded with a small collection of films such as “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III” and “Earth Girls Are Easy”.

In “Fun Size”, we get a premise/plot that is so insulting that it makes the bulk of teen comedies look clever as we see a girl named Wren (Victoria Justice) forced to babysit her little brother Albert on Halloween when she’d rather by boosting herself up the popularity scale by going to a party. The little boy gets lost, which prompts a series of cringingly poor events that make as much sense as “Monty Python” but lack any form of intelligence making it about as funny as hearing news a close relative has passed on.

The acting in “Fun Size” is definitely bad and the characters themselves are awful. They are all cardboard cut-outs of characters from other teen coms and have less depth to them than the characters in something such as “Disaster Movie”. The little boy doesn’t speak so maybe his career won’t be totally destroyed by this film.

There are films out there that are simply references to other films mixed with toilet humour; this one doesn’t even have the novelty of the references. It installs such sickening images in our head as a young boy on the toilet and a girl giving a cat an asthma attack that you simply will find yourself traumatised by it. On an enjoyment scale this movie ranks about as low as you can get. The only positive is at least it is a movie and you can turn it off. In fact, there is more satisfaction in pressing the button on your remote to turn off your tv than there is watching any part of this picture. I hate people on phones while watching films but if this one comes on then this is a good time to get it out.

If you didn’t see the rating coming then you were most likely unaware that this is a film directed by my favourite filmmaker: Stanley Kubrick (“2001: A Space Odyssey”, “Eyes Wide Shut”). “Full Metal Jacket” is deep, disturbing, memorable and most-importantly it is entertaining in a way that only Kubrick’s films are.

In “Full Metal Jacket”, we follow a group of army recruits as they suffer through the training camp, punished ruthlessly by the harsh-talking and no-nonsense Seargent Hartman (R. Lee Ermey “Toy Story”) but none of that can amount to the dehumanising effects felt once in Vietnam. It may seem dark, you peel back a layer and it’s funny, you peel back another layer and then you find the true darkness hidden in this film.

R. Lee Ermey gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen as the instantly-quotable Sargent Hartman. He embodies everything right and wrong about military training; he’s truly one of the greatest character cinema has ever produced, along with Kubrick’s Alex DeLarge and H.A.L. 9000. I also adore the recruits, from Joker (Matthew Modine “Transporter 2”) to Pyle (Vincent D’Onofrio “Men In Black”) as at first they seem silly but then as the film continues they appear more and more terrifyingly realistic.

While it isn’t his absolute best, “Full Metal Jacket” is another all-time classic from Kubrick. I didn’t really care for “Saving Private Ryan” all that much but this is a war movie I felt sucked into from the first frame or perhaps it was the first line of dialog from R. Lee Ermey… and no, I’m afraid I can’t repeat it or any of his lines for that matter. If you miss out on seeing “Full Metal Jacket” then I pity you… I seriously do because it is a very important movie.

“Frozen” is another Disney/Pixar film (like the “Toy Story” pictures before it); it’s a pleasant experience that I’m sure will be adored by young children, some of which sadly won’t have seen some of Disney’s older classics (“Snow White”, “Sword In The Stone” etc…). When it comes to animated kids movies, Disney proves that they still have the monopoly on the genre with “Frozen”.

In “Frozen”, we meet royal sisters Anna (Kristin Bell) and Elsa, who have been separated since childhood because Elsa possesses magical powers of ice. On her coronation day Elsa accidentally freezes the whole kingdom and it’s up to Anna to try and fix everything.

The characters are alright. There’s always been a coldness associated with the look of the Pixar characters (“Toy Story” gets a free pass because they’re toys, not humans) so I prefer the older 2D films from Disney but I guess they are alright. The best character is probably the snowman named Olaf, he’s definitely the most memorable as he dreams of being in the sunshine; I think that’s pretty darn funny. I guess the problem with the film is that it doesn’t really feature any great villains, which is a staple of Disney movies.

The songs aren’t terrific, there’s a lack of a great villain and I’m still not quite sold on the 3D animation but “Frozen” is a charming tale that’s full of magic and wonders and at the end of the day, that’s still what Disney is all about. There’s a great sense of innocence but at the same time the film can still excite, it’s the perfect kind of movie for kids and older audiences will enjoy it too… the only problem is that if you’ve seen some of the real Disney classics, this one might underwhelm slightly but still give it a go.

“From Dusk Till Dawn” is another collaboration between filmmakers Robert Rodriguez (“Spy Kids”, “Machete”) and Quentin Tarantino (“Pulp Fiction”, “Jackie Brown”) with the former in the director’s chair and the latter co-starring and writing. It is a messy film.

The film tells the story of robbers Seth Gecko (George Clooney “Ocean’s Eleven”, “The Descendants”) and his brother Richard (Tarantino) as they kidnap a family headed by former-minister Jacob Fuller (Harvey Keitel “Fingers”). They cross the border into Mexico and in one seedy bar/strip club vampires attack.

George Clooney is actually quite good as Seth Gecko but the problem is the film tries to have a comedic edge and it doesn’t pay-off, this also spoils Harvey Keitel’s stellar performance. The worst however is the Richard character as he’s sick rapist and brutal murderer, that even starts having sexual fantasies about a teenage girl; this is as bad as the likes of Hannibal Lecter and Alex DeLarge so you can’t laugh at him. The monsters are basic and because monsters are in it the film results in being a survival pic for the last half so we get a group of uninteresting characters trying to fight-off hordes of creatures, this is the same poor stuff we’ve seen in the likes of “Night of the Living Dead”.

“From Dusk Till Dawn” is well acted and the film does go all the way with its twisted humour as we see a man with a gun in place of his sexual organ, many of the stars turned into vampires and condoms used as weapons. I dislike how the film has no understanding of humour though as we can’t laugh while innocent kids witness people being gruesomely stabbed to death and then be laughing in the same or even a few seconds later. It’s “Pulp Fiction” meets “Night of the Living Dead” and then some so if that idea please you then you’ll eat this one up faster than one of these vampires drinks blood.

“Friday” is essentially “Boyz N The Hood” meets “Clerks”. Like “Clerks”, it follows two bored friends not knowing what to do with their day and like “Boyz N The Hood”, it focuses on a community affected by the violence of black gangs in Los Angeles. “Friday” was a hit and spawned a couple of sequels but I honestly do not get the appeal of it.

Craig (Ice Cube “Boyz N The Hood”, “Ride Along”) and Smokey (Chris Tucker “Money Talks”, “Rush Hour”) smoke a drug dealer’s marijuana and now must find a way to pay the dealer off before he shoots them. Most of the movie just has the characters sat on their porch not knowing what to do next. Honestly, hardly anything happens in this movie.

Ice Cube is completely forgettable as Craig. I hear he had a successful career so I thought maybe Craig would do some rapping but it never happens. Chris Tucker is always annoying and not funny even in small doses. I still have not fully recovered from the pain he inflicted during his brief appearance in “The Fifth Element” and I doubt I ever will. The other characters are just really boring. Nobody here made me laugh even once.

Apparently, Quentin Tarantino (“Pulp Fiction”) regards “Friday” as one of his favourites but I found it to be a really dull experience. It has a nice visual style that is virtually the same as “Boyz N The Hood” but that’s about it. I did not get all the drug humour and I even struggled to understand what some of the characters were saying because they talk so quickly and use a great deal of slang. I know I’m clearly not the target demographic but still, I thought it was pretty bad. I even thought that the “Harold & Kumar” movies were better because at least those stoner comedies had stuff happening in them.

“Friday the 13th” has blood, guts, nudity and not really anything else. If you want to see somebody half-dressed teens get dismembered by axes, then you’re at the right place but if you want anything more then I think you’ll be sincerely disappointed by “Friday The 13th”.

“Friday The 13th” tells the story of a bunch of staff members at a camp named Crystal Lake; one by one that they’re sliced and diced by some mysterious killer. The first two acts are as dull as can be while the last act of the film is probably the most interesting but it isn’t long before it descends into being totally ridiculous.

The campers are in no way memorable; even the one played by Kevin Bacon (“Animal House”) is totally forgettable. The killer isn’t remotely memorable. Many may think the killer is Jason Voorhees, who has become the face of the series but he isn’t the villain in this first film in the franchise. Even though I didn’t like “A Nightmare On Elm Street” I at least thought that the Freddy Krueger character was memorable and Michael Myers in “Halloween” would stay in one’s mind. I am also reminded of how much more memorable Jamie Lee Curtis was as the girl in “Halloween” compared with any of the people in this film.

“Friday The 13th” is said to be the favourite film of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and that’s probably the most intriguing thing about it. The film is bland, the acting is terrible and there is essentially nothing here once you remove the gore and the nudity. Will I watch any of the other “Friday The 13th” pictures? Well I’m sure I’ll probably find myself sat in front of another before too long but for anybody that doesn’t get to watch films as often as I do then I think that there are certainly better movies on offer than this.

The eighth entry in the “Friday The 13th” series is notable for the being first time Jason Voorhees gets to go on a killing spree outside of the woods of Crystal Lake as he takes a trip to New York. If you’ve seen any of the other “Friday The 13th” movies then don’t expect anything ground-breaking here as it’s more of the same slice and dice.

Jason Voorhees escapes the woods and smuggles himself aboard a ship heading for New York. Unfortunately, many moviegoers were disappointed at the lack of time spent in New York as we spent the first two acts aboard the ship. I guess “Jason Takes A Boat Ride” isn’t as marketable.

Jason Voorhees is resurrected and hacks and slashes his way through more teenagers. Easily the funniest of his kills is way he actually manages to knock a guy’s head off with a single punch; we then see the head roll down the side of a building before falling into a dustbin. The other characters somehow manage to have less personality than a killer that doesn’t utter a single word throughout the course of the film and the only character I cared about was the dog.

“Jason Takes Manhattan” probably isn’t the worst “Friday The 13th” movie and I like the fact it clearly doesn’t take itself too seriously but there is so little of interest on offer with a film like this. Slasher movies are so formulaic that you look for any glimmer of originality like changing the location to a city. Fans of the series were disappointed by the fact that this picture didn’t really deliver upon its title and general moviegoers are likely to find it difficult to stomach one “Friday The 13th” film so they certainly aren’t going to want to make their way up to the eighth movie.

I saw the first “Friday The 13th” picture and was left feeling incredibly bored but “Friday The 13th Part III” is somehow even worse. Originally shown in 3D (that accounts for the weird angles where it looks like everything is sticking out of the screen) and the first film in the franchise to feature the iconic hockey mask, “Friday The 13th Part III” is a whole new dimension of dullness.

In this film, more drug-taking, sex-obsessed and irritating teens find themselves being hacked up by Jason Voorhees. There isn’t much to the plot besides the hacking up of teens but then these slasher films never really did understand how to handle things such as the plot. Let’s just say the plot is more or less the same as any entry in the “Halloween”, “A Nightmare On Elm Street” and of course “Friday The 13th” franchises.

Jason Voorhees kills and he kills in a lot of different ways. He crushes people’s skulls, he slits their throats, he uses machetes, harpoons and he’d probably kill somebody with a bike pump if he got his hands on one. At the same time manages to take repeated blows to the head from just about everything. He’s not much for conversation but at least he’s not as irritating as the teens he murders.

“Friday The 13th Part III” would be best if used by school teachers to teach kids to stay away from drug and sex-fuelled lifestyles because it might mean you get sliced by a serial killer (or even worse, you might star in a “Friday The 13th” film). I bet if you took a bunch of friends to a campsite to make a horror movie over a weekend, you’d probably make something more entertaining than “Friday The 13th Part III”. Maybe it’s better if you saw it in 3D (along with “Jaws 3” in 3D too).

2009’s “Friday The 13th” isn’t really so much a remake of the first film but a remake of the first several films as the series’ antagonist, Jason Voorhees, wasn’t the killer until the second picture and didn’t wear his iconic hockey mask till the third outing. There have been several slasher remakes but I saw this one because I thought that perhaps “Friday The 13th” was the series that could benefit the most from a bigger budget and a new crisp look but this version is somehow even worse than the earlier films that inspired it.

As you’re probably aware, the “Friday The 13th” franchise centres around hordes of teens being murdered. This 2009 entry features them being killed by axes, arrows, knives and a whole ton of other instruments of death.

Jason Voorhees starts the picture with a sack on his head before discovering the hockey mask and that’s about the most character development he gets. An initial group of teens are brutally killed during the first act of the film and just when you thought that they were the most obnoxious teens you’d ever seen; some even more obnoxious teens show up and then the next two acts have Jason offing them.

“Friday The 13th” was a bad movie but its 2009 remake is truly painful to sit through. I hoped a bigger budget could mean that you could get a cast that was tolerable and that it would also mean that intelligent writers could turn Jason into a cold and calculating adversary but I was too optimistic. I should’ve realised that there is no hope for “Friday The 13th” no matter how much money you chuck at it. The idea was lifeless and while some of the films have had their moments, the remake surely must mean the end. Again, that could be too optimistic because there always seems to be a market for these films and there always seems to be a filmmaker looking to get some easy money.

“Free Enterprise” is a little movie that is a surprisingly well-written romantic comedy with virtually an encyclopaedia’s worth of tv, movie and comic references. It’s sort-of like “Clerks” but better.

In this film, two geeky losers (Eric McCormack “Holy Man”, Rafer Weigel “I Am Sam”) live their lives by movies/tv, especially the original series of “Star Trek” but when they meet their idol and star of it: William Shatner they realise he might just be as lame as they are. Everything from “Brady Bunch” to “Logan’s Run” to “Spawn” comics to “Basic Instinct” gets brought up here; it’s pretty darn impressive to say the least.

The main guys are good because they’re sad losers but there’s something they live for and it isn’t the conventional stuff like wealth or fame but more just to live out their lives via the moral code of a tv show and that’s funny material. William Shatner plays himself as drunkard that isn’t so suave with the ladies and wants to make a musical version of Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar”; it’s a good performance because Shatner shows that he has a sense of humour about things. A line mentioning the hostility between him and the other cast members of “Star Trek” perfectly illustrates that.

“Free Enterprise” is a good movie smothered in so many references that you get the feeling that the people who made this really love movies and tv shows. It isn’t some big movie and it doesn’t just try to make you sit through it just to see Shatner and a few references; it’s a genuinely good film and that’s why I enjoyed so much. Sure, it’s not incredible but for a movie about a couple of nerds and William Shatner, it goes about as far as it could go. If you’re into “Star Trek” then you have to watch “Free Enterprise”; it’s just that simple!