“Cyborg” is a futuristic action movie that clearly takes inspiration from a whole host of films including “Escape From New York” and the “Mad Max” franchise. The problem is that it lacks the passion, the energy and the creativity of the films I’ve just mentioned.

In a post-apocalyptic future, disease has decimated humanity and Jean-Claude Van Damme (“Timecop”, “Universal Soldier”) stars as a mercenary by the name of Gibson Rickenbacker. He finds himself on a mission to locate and rescue a cyborg, which holds information that could save the human race, as well as defeat a ruthless bandit leader (Vincent Klyn “Point Break”).

Van Damme fights many countless gang members in this film; sometimes he opts to shoot them and sometimes he kicks them in the face and there really is not a lot more to his character than that. Van Damme gives a bad performance. The villains are clearly taken right out of the “Mad Max” films with their zany outfits so there is no originality there. Deborah Simmons plays Rickenbacker’s sidekick and she’s extremely dull. Some of the effects for the cyborg are somewhat impressive but there’s only a few shots near the beginning of the movie that actually show you anything.

“Cyborg” is a very clichéd film and it never does anything interesting with the clichés to make it remotely worth watching. The fight scenes are below average, the acting is terrible, the characters are dull and the whole movie has a cheap and nasty feel to it. Fans of films such as “Escape From New York” and “Mad Max” will just see this a weak imitation and if you’ve yet to see those films, watch them instead so only diehard fans of Van Damme could really enjoy this. “Cyborg” is pretty much a big disappointment from its opening until the end credits.

“Cube” is one of those films that builds up to a lot and then doesn’t amount to anything. It is arguably a sci-fi film and potentially a horror flick but it is definitely a mystery movie. While the film leads you into thinking it is going to be an intelligent picture, it fails as soon as begins to embrace the clichés of the horror survival genre and slasher films.

Several strangers wake up inside a cube-shaped room. They soon discover they are trapped in a maze containing seemingly endless cube-shaped rooms but some of them contain deadly traps. The group must work together in order to evade the traps and find a way of escaping this nightmarish scenario.

Films such as “Cube” require interesting characters and strong performances if they are to work but unfortunately this film does not deliver. Nicole de Boer arguably gives the best performance and she’s pretty bad. Maurice Dean Wint is awful as Quentin. Probably the most annoying character is doctor and conspiracy theorist named Holloway (Nick Guadagni) and I also really dislike the mentally-handicapped Kazan (Andrew Miller “Nothing”). The characters try to figure out if there is a reason why they are all their together and ask each other about their jobs and if they have any skills but they never seem to wonder why the mentally-handicapped guy is there and let’s just say that he turns out to be somewhat important.

“Cube” is a disappointing movie because it successfully manages to create some genuine suspense. By the last act of the film, the characters are needlessly bickering as they are seemingly on their way to escaping and one of them has turned into killer. Also, I was disappointed with the traps in this film because while some of them look interesting, the characters mainly just avoid the rooms containing any hazards. I’d imagine most people will want to stay away from “Cube”.

“Crocodile Dundee” seems like it is good, old-fashioned, clean and fun but there are too many lines that made me feel uneasy as they walk on the thin line of political correctness and that’s a real shame because for the most part it’s a nice little picture.

In “Crocodile Dundee”, a New York reporter named Susan Charlton (Linda Kozlowski “Village of the Damned”) goes to Australia and meets outback expert Mick ‘Crocodile’ Dundee. A few days and one crocodile scuffle later she convinces Mick to come back to America with her. What follows is a series of some amusing events, a sloppy romantic triangle which wasn’t thought through very well and a few comments which left me shaking my head.

Paul Hogan plays the classic kind of tough but friendly guy. Action heroes seem to lack a heart and aren’t the kind of people you could have a good laugh but Mr. Dundee is and that’s what I really like about the film. The scenes where he’s in America create a few good laughs. The other characters are pretty boring and the woman Susan doesn’t really seem to have a lot of chemistry with the manly Australian and that’s a real shame too but that’s not my biggest issue with the film.

“Crocodile Dundee” creates enough laughs to make it work but I dislike how all the Americans sneer at Crocodile’s behaviour as if he was just some simpleton; there’s even a line that says about what is doing is okay because he’s Australian and that’s what is unnecessary and offensive. Without those few parts I probably would have recommended “Crocodile Dundee” because for the most part it is harmless entertainment. I do really like what the character Crocodile Dundee stands for because while he maybe tough he’s also jolly.

Maybe I’m wrong giving “Critters” my thumbs up but for me it contains lots of humorous takes on horror movie clichés and it has really good taste as it rips off the wonderful classic horror/comedy “Gremlins”.

In “Critters”, we find that a group of hairy creatures from outer space, who have an appetite for blood, land on planet Earth on a remote farm as they are closely followed across the galaxy by two intergalactic bounty hunters. The Brown family see what they believe to be a meteor and feel a few tremors but that’s only the beginning as it isn’t long before the family must fend for themselves by any means necessary as the creatures invade their farm and their home.

Although the characters and cast in “Critters” are realistic I must say I enjoyed the family seeing as they’re just as dysfunctional as the Simpsons. Helen Brown (Dee Wallace “E.T”) is then overanxious mother, Jay Brown (Billy Green Bush “The Hitcher”) is the disgruntled father, Brad Brown (Scott Grimes “Robin Hood”) is the unruly son and April Brown is the bickering sister. The rest of the cast is a bit bizarre and sadly not too enjoyable. The worst however has to be Billy Zane (“The Phantom”) as April’s boyfriend.

Although “Critters” is far from being a masterpiece it’s just so darn fun. One of the thing that’s great about “Critters” is that instead of having intelligent aliens we get some really dumb ones and why not? Makes a change from doesn’t it? Although it doesn’t work well as a sci-fi it works well as a silly horror flick. While maybe not a classic like “Gremlins” if you’re a fan of campy horror movies then don’t pass the opportunity to witness “Critters” because although it is rather silly it is also rather fun too.

I actually enjoyed the first “Critters” to my surprise as it did what it set out to do and made a decent parody of sci-fi movies and horror films but “Critters 2” and “Critters 3” were just terrible but now we get dragged down into the next degree of awfulness by the indisputably terrible “Critters 4”.

In “Critters 4”, bounty hunter Charlie McFadden (Don Keith Opper “Critters 2”, “Android”) after being ordered by some intergalactic council loads the last two eggs of the dreaded monsters into a space pod but also gets stuck inside and wakes up in 2045 on a spaceship. The monsters break loose and start killing the crew one by one so now Charlie must exterminate them by himself but then his old friend Ug (Terrence Mann “Critters”), who is now a counsellor orders him to salvage the remaining eggs or the crew will be killed.

The acting in this movie is just terrible. There isn’t one person that I thought was vaguely okay and they’re not even so bad they’re funny they’re just so bad they’re rubbish. The creatures this time around aren’t funny either (not that they have been since the first film and even then they weren’t anything superb). The puppetry for them in this film is just awful.

There isn’t one moment in this film that is better than absolutely awful. The production is bad, the acting is bad, the characters are boring, the plot is boring and the film is just poor as a whole. I didn’t even mildly chuckle at how bad the film was (like I did with the last two) because this one is taken to the next degree of awfulness and all the humour (even if it had been rubbish like in the last two) was completely gone from the franchise now as there are virtually no jokes in this movie whatsoever. From beginning to end “Critters 4” is one of the blandest movies I’ve ever seen and it is just so unentertaining.

“Critters 3: You Are What They Eat” may well be more suspenseful than the last one and even generally better but “Critters 3” has so many blatant plot holes and so many appalling piece of dialog and acting it’s hard to treat this one as being even okay.

In “Critters 3”, a family is on its way back home after a holiday and the two kids stumble upon the bounty hunter and the exterminator of the creatures Charlie (Don Keith Opper “Critters 2”); who then recalls his previous encounters with the creatures. The family obviously think he’s crazy and head back home but it isn’t long before the whole of their shoddy L.A apartment building’s tenants are fighting for their lives against the creatures so now that the power is down and the creatures are on their way who’ll save them?

The cast in “Critters 3” is laughably horrendous. Leonardo DiCaprio (“Inception”) stars in this movie as a bratty kid in one of his earliest works. He is quite amusing although I don’t think he should be. Don Keith Opper is really bizarre as always as Charlie. Annie (Aimee Brooks “Monster Man”) is an appallingly pathetic character.

“Critters 3” has more suspense than the last one, which was too madcap for me but this one has its fair share of stupid moments and all the suspense is killed by the horribly stupid acting. The dialog is stiff and so is the acting. The creatures are really stupid as well and this one feels like a really cheap knockoff of “Gremlins 2: The New Batch” as both are set in a big building although the “Gremlins” one is set in a skyscraper with more characters, more monsters and more mayhem (better mayhem at that). “Critters 3” might also contain one of the worst closing scenes ever as it keeps freeze-framing to give us the credits

First, I’d like to issue an apology to “Critters” for calling it a rip-off of “Gremlins” but when I saw this one I realised what a rip-off of “Gremlins” is. “Critters 2” isn’t quite a rehash but it’s hardly a fresh take and it’s a pretty lousy sequel too.

Set a few years after the original “Critters” where the Brown family had the farm invaded by the hairy little aliens, “Critters 2” takes place in the same town as the first as a junk dealer finds some eggs of the creatures and mistakes them for being Easter eggs. Afterwards the whole town pays as people are murdered and the creatures gain control of the streets so it’s up to Brad Brown (Scott Grimes “Critters”) and a group of brave townies to stop the creatures from annihilating everyone in the town and taking over the world.

Scott Grimes lacks the likeable juvenile idiocy he had as Brad in “Critters” as this time around he just gets on your nerves as he’s overly pathetic. Don Keith Opper (“Critters”) returns as Charlie, who is now a bounty hunter, but unfortunately, he isn’t that amusing. The rest of the cast are unmemorable and just generally unlikeable. The creatures aren’t that fun this time around either and sadly the concept of when they eat they grow is gone.

“Critters 2” is just an awful sequel and a rubbish movie. It lacks the amusement of the original and the suspense as it cashes it in for a crumby “Gremlins” rip-off that isn’t funny, it’s just plain dull. I loved “Gremlins” and I liked “Tremors” and “Critters” but “Critters 2” just doesn’t have the same kind of humorous impact. If you really adored the first “Critters” then maybe just maybe, you’ll think “Critters 2” is okay but I think that’s as far as that goes.

“Crimson Tide” reminded me of “The Hunt For Red October” with its intense submarine warfare. This film might even be a little better; it’s faster and more intense but also improves on the acting and the dilemma is just as grand. I loved nearly every moment of “Crimson Tide” because it’s an effective thriller from director Tony Scott (“Top Gun”).

In “Crimson Tide”, we find out that terrorists in Russia may have nuclear capabilities so the U.S.S. Alabama submarine goes out to defend America. Captain Frank Ramsey (Gene Hackman “Superman: The Movie”, “Behind Enemy Lines”) will do anything to defend his country but first officer Lt. Commander Hunter (Denzel Washington “Inside Man”) thinks a little more philosophically about things. A fragmented message arrives after an order to launch nuclear weapons, now personalities clash as Hunter and Ramsey dispute over whether to fire or not.

The performances from Hackman and Washington are outstanding, Oscar-worthy. It’s an interesting relationship full of respect of each other yet also personality conflict spliced with a desire to preserve order and the code of conduct. Every one of their conversations is fascinating to say the least. There are other cast members too but these two guys make the movie.

“Crimson Tide” is just amazing! It’s a real race all the way through but it’s a smart race. Submarine warfare films usually force movies to be a little smarter than most other kinds of thrillers and “Crimson Tide” exceeds expectations. If you liked “The Hunt For Red October” then you have to see “Crimson Tide”, if you like smart thrillers with strong performances then you have to see “Crimson Tide” and if you like movies that’ll truly keep you on the edge of your seat then once again, you must see “Crimson Tide”. If I haven’t convinced you yet then I’m not sure that anything will.

There’s rarely a dull moment in “Crime Story”, an engaging police thriller starring Jackie Chan (“Police Story”, “Shanghai Noon”). This martial arts flick isn’t quite as comedic as most of Chan’s other films but it works surprisingly well as you never tire of Chan’s brand of action.

Based on a real-life incident, Chan plays a tough cop, Eddie Chan, who is suffering from stress when he is assigned to protect a rich businessman. When the businessman is kidnapped, Chan is teamed up with another officer as they pursue a lead in Taiwan. It soon becomes clear that somebody on the inside is dirty.

Jackie Chan is great as usual and although this film contains fewer stunts than many of other films, the fight scenes are still terrific to watch. Despite the somewhat harsher tone of this movie, Chan still manages to be likeable as always. Apparently, Chan decided to have some of the subplot scenes from the film cut and I think that was a wise decision. The other characters are okay but as is almost always the case with martial arts movies, the focus really is on the action star, whether it’s Jet Li (“Fist Of Legend”), Steven Seagal (“On Deadly Ground”) or Jackie Chan.

If you want to see shootouts, fistfights and chase scenes done right then Jackie Chan is your man and “Crime Story” is your movie. This is not a brilliant movie but it delivers exactly what you want it to. The action sequences feature a great blend of explosions and creativity and that’s what we want to see. As the film takes a more serious tone, we thankfully avoid some of the bizarre humour that plagues many Hong Kong martial arts movies (including many of Chan’s pictures). I had a good time with “Crime Story” and I think action movie fans are going to as well.

“Creepshow” is not scary and you can argue that it isn’t intended to be because it’s more of a horror comedy but it isn’t funny either. This is an anthology film and while I generally divide my reviews of these films for the different segments, I don’t feel I need to here as they all have the same director (George A. Romero “Night of the Living Dead”, “Monkey Shines”) and the same writer (Stephen King) and more importantly, they are all pretty much of the same quality.

“Creepshow” begins with a young boy that gets caught reading a horror comic by his father, the comic is tossed in the bin but a strange creature appears outside the window of the boy and what follows is five separate stories. One involves being buried up to your head on a beach as the tide is coming in and another involves cockroaches in an apartment but none of them deliver the goods.

There are plenty of famous faces in this film including Ed Harris (“The Abyss”), Stephen King, Leslie Nielsen (“Airplane!”), Ted Danson (“Saving Private Ryan”), E.G. Marshall (“Superman II”), Adrienne Barbeau (“The Cannonball Run”) and nobody gives a good performance in this terrible film. Nearly every character comes across as obnoxious. Some of the shorts contain creatures or the undead and they look acceptable but nothing special.

I liked the comic book style of the movie and I was reminded somewhat of “The Warriors” but the stories themselves are not very interesting and I do not know what was supposed to be funny in this film. So many of the scenes are just unpleasant and awkward rather than anything else and it’s a real shame. Stephen King’s novels have inspired films such as entertaining films such as “The Shining” but in this pairing with Romero, it’s all a mess. I really didn’t enjoy “Creepshow” and I’m not sure who would.