“Canadian Bacon” is a strange film. It feels almost like two different films, one being a satire similar to “Dr. Strangelove” and the other being about a bunch of dumb friends fighting war like in “Stripes” and it never seems to work well together. The most interesting fact about the film is arguably the fact it is the only film directed by Michael Moore (“Fahrenheit 9/11”), that isn’t a documentary.

In “Canadian Bacon”, the unpopular President of America (Alan Alda “The Aviator”) finds himself talked into starting a new Cold War with Canada in attempt to boost his popularity with voters. The government’s anti-Canadian propaganda leads to a band of wannabe heroes led by Bud Boomer (John Candy “Uncle Buck”, “Home Alone”) to take the fight directly to the Canadians.

I like Alan Alda as the unnamed leader of America; he’s kind-of funny. The scenes where he believes Canada has hacked into America’s nuclear missile systems reminds me a lot of “Dr. Strangelove”. John Candy is not particularly funny here. There seems to be a whole host of famous faces including Rip Torn (“Men In Black”), Rhea Perlman (“Matilda”), James Belushi (“Red Heat”), Dan Aykroyd (“Ghostbusters”) and Steven Wright but none of them are exactly good. Watch out for Michael Moore’s cameo as a gun toting American.

“Canadian Bacon” doesn’t know whether it wants to be “Stripes” or “Dr. Strangelove” so it instead throws half-baked versions of both at us and hopes it’ll work. The film was not much of a success and I suspect that’s why that to this day, Moore has chosen to do only documentary films. There are parts of “Canadian Bacon” that are clever and funny but much of it is only mildly amusing and some of it is just plain pointless. Maybe you desperately need to see a film in which the U.S.A. and Canada go to war and if that’s the case then you should see this movie but for everybody else, I’d watch something else.

“Caddyshack” is a comedy about golf, a sport which I like. This is nothing special but Harold Ramis (“Ghostbusters”, “Groundhog Day”) gives us an over the top extravaganza with lots of great talent as first-time director (who has gone on to do better stuff).

World War III is about to start. This is not fought on the battlefield you’d expect a war to be held on; this battlefield is the golf course. A snobby, golf course owner named Judge Smails (Ted Knight) makes a bet on a match with a slob for a rich man named Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield “Back To School”). Meanwhile another war has begun as greenskeeper Carl Spackler (Bill Murray “Stripes”) tries to rid the course of a pesky gopher, whose been terrorizing the players.

A good portion of the film focuses on a caddy named Danny (Michael O’Keefe “Michael Clayton”). He’s an average character but originally, he was going to be the centre of the film. Chevy Chase (“Fletch”), Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray were all originally supposed to only have cameos but they improvised so much and so well they became the stars of the film. Bill Murray is good as Spackler. Chevy Chase gives a reasonable performance as Ty Webb; normally I don’t find him funny though. Rodney Dangerfield is good as Al. The gopher in it becomes a character as well as he has enough screen-time.

The laughs aren’t brilliant but there are enough good ones in here to keep you giggling. The music in it is a great addition. “Caddyshack” is unclear whether it is fond of golf or not and that’s what’s good about it as you don’t really have to be a fan of the sport to enjoy it; it’s more the battle of classes but with golf as the setting for the picture.

This is simply a rehash of the first movie and an absolute appalling one at that. The first was no classic but this movie doesn’t even attempt to be half as good as that.

We meet construction worker Jack Hartounian (Jackie Mason “The Jerk”), who doesn’t seem to fit in with the members at a nearby country club. Jack and the other members squabble over their differences and try to get back at each other in the most cunning way. Jack eventually buys the country club and turns into in a strange mixture of a tacky amusement park and a ‘crazy gold course’. It all comes down to a golf match, just like the first one.

Jackie Mason is beyond awful and we are forced to spend a lot of time with this character. Dan Aykroyd (“Ghostbusters”) delivers perhaps the worst performance in the entire movie but at least we don’t get too much time with him. Randy Quaid (“Independence Day”) gives an okay performance and is the only one to make you laugh, even if it is only once. Chevy Chase (“Fletch”) is the only returning cast member from the original, he’s sadly terrible here. I’m glad none of the others such as Rodney Dangerfield or Bill Murray (“The Man Who Knew Too Little”) returned. The gopher is weaker this time around as well. Nobody else came close

“Caddyshack II” is a rotten movie that is woefully unfunny from beginning to end. Aside from some good music and Randy Quaid’s first scene, there isn’t anything in this movie worth seeing. Even diehard fans of the original will struggle to enjoy this picture. While watching this I ask myself ‘why was this made?’ and I couldn’t come up with an answer besides ‘for the money’ as no effort seems to have gone into it.

I’m just as shocked at writing this as you probably are reading this because I expected this not just to be good but great because numerous people I know I’ve said it is, it has high ratings on most popular movie website and there is a whole film festival named after it but I just couldn’t get into it. It’s one of the biggest disappointments I’ve ever had with a movie because it was built up so much and delivered so little in my books.

Based on a true story the film tells the tale of bank and train robbers Butch Cassidy (Paul Newman “Cars”) and The Sundance Kid (Robert Redford “The Horse Whisperer”) find that the law is getting a little too close for comfort so they flee to Bolivia but all doesn’t go to plan.

The two stars ruined any chance of me liking this film because they are incredibly bland… to me at least. They just sit around looking highly disinterested and they seem to lack any kind of energy, which is a real shame because when the leads don’t have any energy it has for me to engage in a movie. We don’t really see much of any other characters so the fact the leads are bad is made even worse.

This film has some clever moments in it but it’s hard to appreciate them when a film hasn’t caught your attention. The film is never so bad that you’re bewildered but it’s the kind of thing that has a much impact as whatever is on tv while you’re in an airport or restaurant. I can’t believe how famous and how liked this film is and I wanted to like it because I do tend to enjoy Westerns a lot and it’s nice seeing something that is slightly different but here I just found it didn’t really work.

“Burn After Reading” is a movie with the potential to be very good but it has lousy execution. This is a film from the Coen brothers (“Raising Arizona”, “Big Lebowski”) and for the first time I don’t think they’ve made a film that works.

In “Burn After Reading”, ex-government analyst Osborne Cox (John Malkovich “Johnny English”, “Being John Malkovich”) finds his secretive memoirs end up in the hands of gym employees Chad (Brad Pitt “World War Z”, “Fight Club”) and Linda (Frances McDormand “Almost Famous”) as the duo intend the blackmail Cox or sell it. The whole film is about the knock-on effect all the characters have on each other and while it in some ways is done well, the fatal flaw is that the characters are dull making it all worthless.

Brad Pitt and Francis McDormand come across as really quite annoying as the two gym employees and while you argue that they intended to be somewhat like this I felt it just didn’t work. George Clooney (“Gravity”) mumbles most of his lines here and that really got on my nerves. I think John Malkovich’s character is reasonably interesting but he’s given too little screen-time for his character to fully develop. By far the best characters are the government workers discussing the entire situation in a few brief scenes as they provide some humorous moments.

“Burn After Reading” isn’t particularly funny and the tension just doesn’t work. It’s the kind of story I can see being part of a film by Quentin Tarantino (“Pulp Fiction”) and it’s something I can see being done better by him; in fact a lot of the Coen brothers’ films have a Tarantino quality to them, maybe it’s because it mixes violence and comedy in a similar way. The Coen brothers have always impressed me with their crazy characters but here they hold out on us.

“Bullitt” is an atrocious crime movie that leaves no impression on the viewer; while watching, you struggle to remember what happened so much as two minutes ago. I loved “Chinatown” and I like a whole bunch of other crime movies such as “Dirty Harry”, “Police Story” and “Cobra” but this one does nothing for me.

Steve McQueen (“The Great Escape”) is policeman Frank Bullitt, he’s supposed to be tough but the filmmakers give him nothing interesting to do. He’s in charge of witness protection case and when the witness and a policeman are shot, with their lives hanging in the balance, Bullitt sets out to find who did this.

Steve McQueen looks bored in this film as his eyes dart around the room and he delivers his lines with no conviction and he isn’t alone but how could anyone have conviction when the script is this weak. One of the huge pros of a cop movie is the classic arguments between the tough copper and his superior/s and that had been done with cowboys in many Westerns and even Clint Eastwood’s “Coogan’s Bluff” had got around to doing it with the police force. I don't think Frank Bullitt has any appeal whatsoever.

Lots of people talk about the car chase in this film but it’s mediocre at best, the “James Bond” films had already come out and I know that would have had a bigger budget and I’m not saying I want missiles and ejector seats, but how much does it cost to drive through a couple of boxes? “Bullitt” is a slow and totally unmemorable crime film and when you can’t even enjoy the main character, you know there is a huge issue. Even if this was an early police film, there are still lots of Westerns that had similar characters. I don’t see the attraction with this film at all.

“Bullet To The Head” is a gross-out action movie starring an older Sylvester Stallone (“Rocky”, “Rambo III”) and it’s one to skip. The movie isn’t horrendous or anything like that but it’s a really low-rent action film and the big name here doesn’t deliver.

In “Bullet To The Head”, after his partner is murdered, hitman James Bonomo (Stallone) teams-up with a cop (Sung Kang “Fast Five”) to get revenge. It’s boring, it’s grim and it just lacks what made some of the older action movies feel at the very least, a little more inspired; we see lots of headshots but nothing that’s going to redefine the genre, I guess I just I miss buddy movies like “Lethal Weapon”.

Sylvester Stallone doesn’t seem to care here as all of his lines are delivered in an uninterested tone as the actor seems to be looking all over the place. The effort he put into his older films is completely missing but maybe that’s because he read the average at best script. The cop isn’t particularly interesting and the duo work mediocrely. The villains aren’t in any way memorable and they actually get very little screen-time. Sarah Shahi (“Rush Hour 3”) plays James’ daughter; she’s pretty dull.

“Bullet To The Head” features an incredibly bored star, average action sequences, an average plot, disposable villains and weak chemistry. This is strange to watch because as bad as some of Stallone’s films have been (several are worse than this) they at least felt ambitious. It’s a shame to because this older Stallone still seems capable of being in good movies (check out “Expendables 2” and “Escape Plan”). “Bullet To The Head” is definitely not the worst crime film out there but it’s another one that’s a celebration of mediocrity, a few gunshots and a few blood spurts aren’t all that’s needed to make a decent action movie.

“Bubba Ho-Tep” stars the cult movie circuit-appointed ‘King of B Movies’ Bruce Campbell (“Army Of Darkness”, “My Name Is Bruce”) as Elvis Presley fighting the Mummy (Bob Ivy) and it should work but the film is neither a parody of Elvis or movies about mummies and Campbell’s charisma fails to shine through as he’s forced to badly impersonate Elvis.

In “Bubba Ho-Tep”, an old Elvis lives in a retirement home after he switched places with a great impersonator/lookalike (also played by Campbell). He spends his days with a fellow resident: a black man (Ossie Davis “Dinosaur”) claiming to be the assassinated President John Kennedy. They both find themselves up against the Mummy, who wears a cowboy hat and boots as well as sucking the souls out of people’s rectums.

Bruce Campbell is so much better when he’s just playing an arrogant, gun-wielding, incompetent hero but here he plays an old Elvis, who doesn’t put up much of a fight even in the last ten minutes or so when something actually happens. The John Kennedy character would be funny if he acted like John Kennedy and sounded like him but instead, he’s just some guy. The Mummy is also disappointing and we only really get to see him near the end.

“Bubba Ho-Tep” is a movie I thought would be just as funny as “Army Of Darkness” but instead manages to make the otherwise underwhelming “My Name Is Bruce” seem fantastic. The film is so slow and so unfunny that I was shocked that Campbell agreed to do it. In the movie’s defence, I can’t see this movie sticking in my mind for too long but if that’s the best defence I can give it, I managed the prosecution department has won. “Bubba Ho-Tep” is an amusing premise with awful execution so you’re better off having a friend tell you the rough plot and having your imagination work out the rest.

“Brother” is a 1997 Russian crime film. It was made on an incredibly small budget but was such a huge success in Russia that a sequel followed a few years. It’s not a bad movie and it does a good job of immersing you into 90s urban Russia but I was not particularly hooked by it.

After coming home from the conflict in Chechnya, Danila Bagrov (Sergey Bodrov “Prisoner of the Mountains”) heads to St. Petersburg to meet up with his older brother (Viktor Sukhorukov). Danila quickly becomes involved with crime as he carries out a hit. This prompts anger from other mobsters.

Throughout the movie, the Danila character is seen browsing music shops and listening to music on his portable device. He seems to utilise music as a way of making some of the duller aspects of his life more tolerable. He also claims to have only worked as a clerk during his time in the army yet seems to know how to handle his gun pretty well. He also has his own sense of justice as he helps a German that he befriends. The relationship between Danila and his older brother should have been explored a lot more (especially considering the film’s title). The other characters are not very interesting.

“Brother” has some stylish scenes when you consider that this film was made for a fraction of any Hollywood movie budget from around the same time. However, this movie could have been a lot better than it was. Lots of scenes do not really seem to go anywhere, the action sequences are a little underwhelming and I also did not get to see much about how the criminal underworld works. It seems the movie really captured the turbulent mood of Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union but it just did not do all that much for me.

“Bronson” is a lot like “A Clockwork Orange” but instead delves into the life of real criminal Charles Bronson (named after the actor). It’s violent, disturbing, funny and very entertaining.

Charles Bronson, who is played magnificently here by Tom Hardy (“Dark Knight Rises”, “This Means War”), is often considered the ‘most violent prisoner in Britain’. He went to prison for robbing a post office and since then has been moved from prison to prison and has repeatedly kidnapped people in order to fight as many guards as possible. It’s narrated and presented by Bronson, who does this as if he’s doing a comedy gig; it’s bizarre yet spectacular.

Tom Hardy nails the role here. He looks like Bronson, sounds like Bronson and acts like Bronson. The guy isn’t really that bad but he just loves fighting and nothing seems to make him happier than kidnapping someone just so he can strip, cover himself in oil and begin fighting as many prison guards as he can; he never wins but seems to enjoy the battles like a Viking. The other characters aren’t very exciting and that’s what disappointed me about this film as although I get that this is the story of Bronson, other interesting people would have helped.

“I came into this world as Michael Petersen but I’ll go out with my fighting name: Charles Bronson” is part of the speech given by Bronson near the start of this film and that’s when you realise that Bronson has become something of an icon: he’s a glitch in the British criminal punishment system, he would have died in any other country by now and he’ll never change. If you like (or like me, love) “A Clockwork Orange” then you’ll probably like this too as it’s got an exceptional leading performance, it’s well-filmed and it’s written with a lot of intelligence.