The original “RoboCop” wasn’t an amazing film but it made a huge impact because it offered something original. It was extremely violent yet it was done with a certain comedic slant that made it more than just a standard shooting fest. It was a rather biting satire as well but this new “RoboCop” misses the joke. The 2014 remake of “RoboCop” ironically adds more humanity to its main character but physically is more machine than ever.

In “RoboCop”, we see a futuristic world in which robots are being used to enforce the law everywhere but America. Police officer Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman “Safe House”) is murdered but brought back to life as a part-man part-machine to patrol the streets of Detroit. This is a way of exploiting a regulatory loophole banning robot police in the United States. It lacks the sense of humour of the older version.

The new RoboCop lacks the great voice of Peter Weller and doesn’t look as good. He tries to be emotionally engaging but it never really works. The best actors are easily Gary Oldman (“Batman Begins”) as the doctor responsible for RoboCop and Samuel L. Jackson (“Pulp Fiction”) as a mouthy tv show presenter who asks “Why is America so robo-phobic?” (he is the only one managing to capture the spirit of the 1987 film). Michael Keaton (“Mr. Mom”) is here but is forgettable.

In the old “RoboCop”, we saw blood and guts but we also saw a board game named “Nuke ‘Em” intended for families and many other great satirical moments. The new movie opens up with a suicide bombing, is all about the ethics of putting a man through this and then seeing high-tech shootouts. It’s alright for what it is but this tale was more entertaining as when there was some comedy. Maybe you found the original too corny so maybe you’ll enjoy this one more but for me, it hit too close to home and was a fairly miserable affair.

“Robo Vampire” has the distinction of being the Godfrey Ho (“Ninja Terminator”) films I have seen without the word ‘ninja’ in the title. Like many of his other movies, it splices together new footage with existing footage from some obscure film. On many of the posters for “Robo Vampire”, the makers seemed to have outright stolen an image of RoboCop. However, the version of RoboCop in this film looks worse than the one in “Be Kind Rewind”.

Parts of the movie focus on a cyborg cop gunning down hopping Chinese vampires (yes you read that right) while other parts appear to be about Thai people battling gangsters. The two plots have been tied together very loosely by shoddy editing and dubbing.

The RoboCop rip-off looks absolutely awful. Not since “Wasp Woman” have I see such a laughable costume. The amusingly bad outfit for the cyborg will no doubt make you chuckle but what will make you chuckle even more is the hopping vampires. The characters from the other film are really boring. Who wants to watch a bunch of random people when you can watch a goofy cyborg fight hopping vampires? The ways the film tries to have the characters from the two different films interact are beyond pathetic.

If you have seen “Ninja Terminator”, “The Ninja Squad” or any of the other Godfrey Ho movies, you know what you are getting yourself in for. You are going to get two films that are not even necessarily from the same genre forced together and the whole thing is going to look like it could have been shot in your friend’s basement over the weekend. The best thing about “Robo Vampire” really is the poster. In fact, just look at that and save yourself the ninety minutes you would waste by watching the movie.

“Rob-B-Hood” (also known as “Robin-B-Hood”) is an amusing comedy starring Jackie Chan (“Armour Of God”, “Rumble In The Bronx”). It’s certainly more focused on the comedy than the action but still packs a surprising punch. It maybe overstays its welcome a little bit but I enjoyed it nevertheless.

Thongs (Chan) and Octopus (Louis Koo “Flash Point”) are two thieves that accept a lucrative job without waiting to hear all the details. They kidnap a baby and the two find themselves entering a whole new world of trouble as they try to look after it. A dangerous mobster wants the baby and so Thongs and Octopus must decide whether money or morals matter.

In comparison to a lot of his other films, “Rob-B-Hood” is certainly one of the least action-packed Jackie Chan films. However, he still has a few really creative fights and the stunts involving a rollercoaster are terrific. Louis Koo is somewhat funny as Octopus. The two have reasonable comedic chemistry. The baby is obviously very cute. He gets into all sorts of trouble a bit like the infant in “Baby’s Day Out”. The villains are okay but nothing amazing. Yuen Biao (“The Prodigal Son”) has a small role. There are actually quite a few other characters in here and the film maybe feels a little too crowded at times.

“Rob-B-Hood” features a lot of the same jokes you see in other films where action stars have to look after children but Chan’s great stunts help make this one a lot more enjoyable. The movie does get needlessly complex at times with a lot going on but I felt that there were enough good moments to make it work. It’s certainly not one of the best Chan films out there but those that are less interested in the martial arts aspect of his work might find this one a little more appealing.

Reading this review, you probably won’t believe that this is even a real movie but I assure you that it is. “Dead Sushi” is a film about zombie sushi attacking people. It’s a Japanese splatter comedy and it’s definitely up there with “RoboGeisha” on the weird scale.

Keiko (Rina Takeda) is the daughter of a legendary sushi chef. She is eager to impress him but can never live up to his demands. She leaves home where she works as a waitress at a local inn. Some of the sushi gets infected with a dangerous serum and now the food is taking a bite out of the customers and the staff. Keiko must use her fighting skills to defeat the zombie sushi and save what’s left of the inn and those inside.

The characters in this movie are beyond ridiculous. A lot of them die horrible deaths with creative special effects with the sushi attacking them. Keiko is a likeable character as we see her mistreated for no real reason. The killer sushi manages to actually have personality. In fact, they have more personality than most regular zombies in movies. The special effects and costume designs are undeniably cheesy and have a certain charm to them. The dialog is often nonsensical though.

Films like this really do defy the ratings system. It certainly made me chuckle a lot but I don’t know what the point of it was. I guess there doesn’t need to be a point. Some of it was disgusting and virtually all of it was weird but at the same time, it was goofy fun. Don’t expect to learn anything about the human condition but do expect to see some crazy and messed up stuff. It’s whacky, it’s zany and you just won’t believe it until you have seen it.

“Jeepers Creepers” is a terribly bland horror film. It has a few brief moments where it feels as though it is on the cusp of being mildly interesting and that just makes it all the more frustrating. This is a film that just seems to throw in everything and the kitchen sink with elements taken from “Duel”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and a handful of other movies.

“Jeepers Creepers” follows Trish (Gina Philips “Thanks To Gravity”) and Darry (Justin Long “Galaxy Quest”), who are brother and sister. They are travelling on country roads when a truck with an aggressive driver nearly knocks them off the road. They see the truck later on and they end up becoming the next target of the driver, who may not be exactly human.

Easily the most disappointing thing about this movie is the creature. At times, it looks more like something from a comic book film than a horror movie. Some of the special effects for the monster just look lousy. Trish and Darry are pretty bland. Trish occasionally shows some intelligence but it’s just annoying when you then see act like a total fool in the next scene. None of the other characters are interesting and the dialog for pretty much everybody is just horrendous.

“Jeepers Creepers” has some really bad special effects so it’s not even fun to just admire the craft of the make-up and special effects team. The film borrows too many ideas from too many sources for it to be coherent or intriguing. There are gruesome sequences here. However, they look rather pathetic; they are certainly not scary. There are a few brief moments where the film does build some tension but then they are just totally wasted. This is an awful horror flick from start to finish and you should avoid it.

“Money Plane” is probably the most ridiculous movie I’ve seen in a long time. It’s like if you combined “Con Air” with a low-budget Steven Seagal movie. It knows how stupid, lazy and bad it is.

Professional thief Jack Reese (Adam Copeland) fails to steal a painting for ‘The Rumble’ (Kelsey Grammer “Down Periscope”). In order to repay the debt, Reese is sent to hijack the ‘Money Plane’. It’s an illegal casino flying over international waters for notorious criminals to bet on anything and everything (apparently you can even bet on a man having sex with an alligator).

Adam Copeland is better known as the wrestler ‘Edge’. His acting abilities are absolutely abysmal if this film is even vaguely representative of his skills. Denise Richards (“Starship Troopers”) and Thomas Jane (“The Punisher”) both appear and must have been desperate for the money. Kelsey Grammer is hilarious as The Rumble. We’re used to seeing him in tv sitcoms such as “Frasier” so to see him as the bad guy in a low-budget action movie is funny. He’s clearly having a blast with some of the stupidest dialog ever uttered in a movie. He’s the only good thing in the whole movie. Apart from Grammer, everybody is just awful.

“Money Plane” is a pretty anti-climactic action film. The few action sequences in it are so underwhelming. The C.G.I. blood looks so unconvincing. The whole premise of the illegal casino never lives up to its potential. This whole movie is a total mess and to be honest, the score would be even lower if it were not for Grammer’s performance. Remove that and you have a movie that is as bad as the worst movies of Steven Seagal. “Money Plane” is a monumentally bad film that has to be seen to be believed.

“DNA” may be a rip-off of “Jurassic Park”, “Alien” and “Predator” but it’s still a seriously entertaining movie. I honestly don’t know why this film didn’t get more recognition because it’s got some good action sequences and some of the special effects are impressive too.

Ash Mattley (Mark Dacascos “Drive”, “Double Dragon”) is a scientist in Borneo on a mission to stop his old colleague, Dr. Carl Wessinger (Jürgen Prochnow “Das Boot”, “Judge Dredd”). Wessinger has managed to use Mattley’s research to extract an enzyme to resurrect a fossil. Now, a powerful and deadly creature that once terrorised the ancient natives is loose.

Mark Dacascos is really underrated as he gives a pretty good performance here for a guy that’s mainly known for doing stunts. With his long hair here, he looks a lot like Brandon Lee (“The Crow”). No wonder, Dacascos was cast in a television series based on “The Crow”. Prochnow is okay as the bad guy. Robin McKee (“Speed”) is pretty forgettable as Claire Sommers. The creature looks pretty good in some shots, especially when it is clear that practical effects are being used. However, some of the C.G.I. has not aged terribly well. The other characters are not very memorable.

Yes, there is no denying that a lot of the elements of “DNA” are taken from other movies. Despite all that, I was still entertained. Some of the C.G.I. effects are mediocre but a lot of the effects in this film are grand. The action sequences are definitely exciting and there are genuine moments of tension. The performance from Dacascos is enjoyable. Yes, the final battle in this film is very much like the finale of “Predator” but so what? I really don’t know why this movie got bad reviews because other than being unoriginal, it’s actually great.

“Road House” seems like the ultimate celebration of violence, music and nudity. It’s an absurd yet predictable film with lots of enjoyable scenes but a completely nonsensical story to tie it altogether. It’s not exactly a bad movie but I’m not entirely convinced that it’s a good one either.

Dalton (Patrick Swayze “Dirty Dancing”, “Point Break”) is a famous bouncer (or ‘cooler’ as the film refers to him) that is hired to tame the Double Deuce, a particularly rowdy bar. After tackling troublesome customers, Dalton soon finds himself up against a local businessman (Ben Gazzara “The Big Lebowski”), who exploits the community through use of intimidation and violence.

Patrick Swayze gets some cheerfully silly lines such as when he instructs his colleagues ‘to be nice until it’s time not to be nice’. Physically, he gives a very impressive performance as there are a lot of fairly impressive fight scenes. He was apparently trained by Benny Urquidez (“Dragons Forever”). Kelly Lynch (“Virtuosity”, “Drugstore Cowboy”) is okay as the love interest Doc. The chemistry between the two could have been significantly better. Sam Elliott (“Hulk”) is entertaining as Dalton’s pal Wade. Ben Gazzara is quite good as Brad Wesley. The other characters are okay.

The idea of a famous bouncer is quite frankly laughable yet it seems to almost work considering how cheesy the rest of the film is. We have a scene with monster trucks and we have a moment where a guy gets knocked out by a dead polar bear. It’s strange because while the movie is so childish, it also has a lot of mature content such as graphic violence, lots of nudity and bad language. I did dislike how the film became increasingly clichéd and predictable as I knew almost exactly what was going to happen. It’s definitely an interesting movie and maybe worth checking out if you like over-the-top 80s movies but it’s not exactly good.

“Ritual” has one of the most confusing production histories ever as it was originally envisioned as the third “Tales From The Crypt” film but a different studio bought the rights to the script and removed all references to the franchise. However, some later releases of the film include an introduction from the Crypt Keeper (voiced by John Kassir). The film is also a remake of 1943’s “I Walked With A Zombie”.

In “Ritual”, Dr. Alice Dodgson (Jennifer Grey “Dirty Dancing”) has her medical licence revoked after using unauthorised medication. She manages to find a job as the personal doctor for a man in Jamaica. Shortly after arriving, she discovers that her patient believes he is a ‘zombie’ and the evil forces of voodoo are lurking around every corner.

Jennifer Grey is actually quite good but the material is pretty lousy. Tim Curry (“Legend”, “Congo”) has a small role as a veterinary but sadly he feels woefully underused. The other characters are not very memorable. If you are watching the version with the Crypt Keeper then he looks really bad this time. Gone is the great animatronic puppet from the earlier “Tales From The Crypt” stuff, here he is a cheap plastic version. Also, his Jamaican puns are not very funny.

“Ritual” is a very generic horror film. There’s some bloodthirsty moments and a fair amount of nudity like pretty much every other horror movie from its era. The plot is fairly weak and the voodoo Jamaican setting adds very little. The special effects could have also been a lot better. If you are a big fan of Jennifer Grey or want to watch everything even vaguely connected to “Tales From The Crypt” then check out “Ritual”. If you do not fall into either of those camps, you should probably just watch something else instead.

“Rising Sun” is both a murder mystery and a buddy cop picture. I think the mystery element is pretty good but as a buddy cop picture, it’s ultimately a disappointment.

A young woman is strangled to death during rough sex on the board table in a skyscraper run by a powerful Japanese company. Officers Webster Smith (Wesley Snipes “U.S. Marshals”, “Blade II”) and John Connor (Sean Connery “Dr. No”, “Highlander”) are on the case. Just when the unlikely pair believe they have found the killer, a whole new window of possibilities becomes open and so the search for the real criminal continues but it seems everyone wants this case closed.

Wesley Snipes is okay as Webster Smith. Sean Connery is alright as John Connor. The issue is there is no real chemistry between the two of them. Unlike Mel Gibson (“Mad Max”) and Danny Glover (“Predator 2”) in “Lethal Weapon” or Jackie Chan (“The Tuxedo”) and Chris Tucker (“Money Talks”) in “Rush Hour”, the odd pairing doesn’t work here. There is plenty of racist dialog in other buddy cop pictures but here, it just seems a little too much and it isn’t necessary. The other characters aren’t particularly exciting and we get very little time with anyone except the two main characters.

“Rising Sun” is just dull for the most part. Where lots of other buddy cop pictures (e.g. “Lethal Weapon”) have worked, this movie just doesn’t. Sure, it’s a clever murder mystery but how many of those do we have? If you’re going to make a buddy cop movie then make a good one. It has mediocre performances, the racism is a bit too much and although I had fun with the various twists, the rest of the film is simply filler so I think you should probably give it a miss. Also, there are too many secret rooms in this film.