“Killing Gunther” is easily one of the worst films I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s an action/comedy with a real emphasis on the comedic side. Unfortunately, it isn’t even remotely amusing. In fact, I’m pretty sure people have had heart attacks that are funnier than this.

A group of moronic hitmen decide that the only way to establish themselves as the best in the world is to go out and kill the elusive Gunther (Arnold Schwarzenegger “True Lies”, “Predator”). They hire a cameraman to document their hunt for the world’s greatest hitman. Of course, nothing goes to plan as Gunther is always one step ahead of them.

Taran Killam (“12 Years A Slave”) plays Blake, the hitman that organises the whole team. Not only is Killam unbearable to watch but it turns out that he directed and wrote this abomination so most of the blame for this movie can be put on him. Schwarzenegger is all over the promotional material yet he doesn’t even show up until well into the third act. He looks absolutely terrible here as he’s not maintained the physical fitness that Sylvester Stallone (“Rambo”) has. Schwarzenegger looks happy to be here but I imagine he was paid rather handsomely.

It’s a shame to see Schwarzenegger go from being arguably the top action star in the world in the 90s with “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” to doing what is little more than a cameo in a film as disastrous as this. I hated this movie as it combines poor comedy with an awkward mockumentary style and abysmal found-footage camerawork. “Killing Gunther” is not a long movie but it feels like a marathon because it is just so tiresome. The movie is offensive in the sense that it is idiotic and lazy. I despised “Killing Gunther” from the first frame right until the end credits.

Roger Corman (“Death Race 2000”) produces “Galaxy Of Terror”, one of many films trying to capitalise on the popularity of “Alien”. This is a very underwhelming film that features some impressive effects but that’s seriously all that is on offer.

A spaceship crew go to a mysterious planet to rescue another crew but find themselves battling horrifying creatures. One by one, the crew are being annihilated by the hostile aliens. However, not everything is as it first appears as the remaining crew members try to uncover the mystery. Will any of them be able to escape this truly horrible nightmare?

The cast for this film includes a few faces that have since become iconic in the horror genre. We have Robert Englund (“A Nightmare On Elm Street”, “Wishmaster”) and Sid Haig (“House Of 1000 Corpses”, “The Devil’s Rejects”). The movie also has Ray Walston (“Popeye”, “Paint Your Wagon”). Nobody in this movie gives an even vaguely good performance but to be fair, the script is dreadful. The monsters actually look pretty good. It’s nice that they don’t all look the same and they cause a lot of carnage as they destroy the crew members in various gory sequences. The monsters are just great.

This is a bad movie with virtually no story, bland dialog and dull performances. I like sci-fi/horror films and there have been some good rip-offs of “Alien” such as “Event Horizon” and “Leviathan”. If you want to see some gory death sequences, some fun monster effects and some nudity then you’ll get to see all that. Just don’t go in expecting any substance because this movie has none. It’s a Roger Corman movie so you need to adjust your expectations. I recommend just watching “Alien” again. Interestingly, a young James Cameron worked on this movie before going on to direct “Aliens”.

“Private School” is an immature movie in the same league as “Animal House” and “Caddyshack”. The teen comedy genre is oversaturated so a movie has to make you laugh to stand out and this movie made me laugh.

Christine (Phoebe Cates “Gremlins”, “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”) is a student at an all-girls private school and she is in love with Jim (Matthew Modine “Full Metal Jacket”), who attends the nearby academy for boys. Christine’s rival, Jordan (Betsy Russell “Saw III”), seeks to win Jim’s affection. This is really the extent of the plot here and the rest is just an excuse for goofy hijinks.

Phoebe Cates is very funny and charming as Christine. Betsy Russell is good as Jordan. Normally, these movies have the nice girl with goods look and the mean girl with the great looks and maybe it’s just me but I think Christine is more attractive than Jordan. We get to see quite a lot of the girls in this movie so cover your eyes children. Fran Ryan (“Stripes”, “Pale Rider”) is quite funny as Miss Dutchbok. The boys in the movie are a lot less endearing than the girls. I really did not care for the scenes where they dress up as women to sneak into the girls’ dorm.

There are some genuinely amusing moments in “Private School” such as the scene where Christine and Jim try to buy contraceptives. The movie does feature a lot of nudity making it more on par with films such as “Lemon Popsicle” so do be warned. A lot of movies in the teen comedy genre forget that they need to be charming and funny but “Private School” gets it right with enjoyable performances from Phoebe Cates and Betsy Russell. The movie seems to have been overlooked by most people for some reason so I say, give it a chance.

“Princess Mononoke” is a visually stunning and creative anime film. The film is from Hayao Miyazaki and is up there with his excellent “Spirited Away”. This film creates a magical world and we can’t take our eyes off it.

After fighting with a demon, Prince Ashitaka becomes cursed and travels far to see if he can find a way to remove it. He stumbles upon a mining colony that is waging war against forest gods and Princess Mononoke, who is a woman raised by wolves. Ashitaka must try to bring peace between the two sides else the forest may and the colony may both be destroyed.

The characters such as Ashitaka and Princess Mononoke are all enjoyable and are animated very well. I think Princess Mononoke is the most interesting character as she seems to have the most complex background. The visuals on the demon near the beginning are some of the best I’ve seen in any animated film and all the creatures look fantastic. Probably the most ambitious creation here is the giant creature that walks the forest at night. My favourite creatures in the film were the little tree spirits and their simplicity seems to only add to the genius of their design.

“Princess Mononoke” is a truly terrific film. The film might be a little too violent for young children due to a few dismemberments and harm towards animals but I think older children and certainly teens will fall in love this film. “Princess Mononoke” is done in the same spirit as “The NeverEnding Story” and that’s high praise from me. The action sequences are thrilling, the characters are interesting, the animation is spectacular and the creativity just flows through this film. If you want a breath-taking animated picture full of wonder, you simply have to see “Princess Mononoke”.

John Carpenter (“Escape From New York”, “Ghosts Of Mars”) directs “Prince Of Darkness”, a really good little sci-fi/horror that is pretty unsettling in its own way. Although some Carpenter’s movies have developed quite a following, this one still seems to have gone under most people’s radars and that’s a shame because it’s one of his better films.

In “Prince Of Darkness”, a mysterious container filled with green goo is discovered in an abandoned church used by a secretive religious sect. A research team led by a Catholic priest (Donald Pleasance “You Only Live Twice”) and a university science teacher (Victor Wong “3 Ninjas Kick Back”) try to determine just exactly what it is.

Donald Pleasance is really good as the priest character. Victor Wong is okay as Professor Birack. Some of the other members of the research team are a little poor and I really did not care for the weak performance from Jameson Parker (“Jackals”). Alice Cooper (“Wayne’s World”) makes an appearance as a homeless man. Throughout the movie, homeless people gather outside the church but they are not as normal as they first appear. Some have criticised the effects for the creature that appears briefly near the end but I think the effects are fine considering how little of the creature you actually see.

“Prince Of Darkness” certainly takes some crazy twists and turns when it comes to the science and the theology and while that is fine, the movie really succeeds because it manages to maintain the tension and the disturbing atmosphere. The best scenes are arguably the dream sequence where it looks like an old VHS recording. I still prefer “Halloween” and “In The Mouth Of Madness” but this is good addition to Carpenter’s library. Fans of sci-fi/horror movies should keep an eye out for “Prince Of Darkness”.

“Primer” is quite possibly the dullest time-travel movie ever made. I can imagine it appealing to people that understand advanced theoretical physics but for the rest of us, this a boring film with dialog that is almost impossible to understand.

Four entrepreneur friends are struggling to come up with an invention that can make them money. They decide to split into two teams and that leads them to a shocking creation. Aaron (Shane Carruth) and Abe (David Sullivan “Argo”) do not quite realise what they have accomplished at first but they have made a device that can allow them to travel backwards through time. They start experimenting with the machine, hoping to exploit it use to make money but it could have disastrous consequences.

The characters in “Primer” have no real distinguishable personalities and they have the most indecipherable physics conversations. Characters in sci-fi movies can explain complex ideas (look at “Event Horizon”, “Gattaca”, “Blade Runner” etc…) but I was just completely lost listening to these men. The fact that they also are not interesting as characters made me care even less about what they were saying. If you are going to do a film with only a small group of characters, you need to make sure that there is as interesting as possible and the writers of “Primer” have just failed here as far I am concerned.

The concept of time-travel is fascinating and it has been explored in many entertaining films and tv shows such as “Star Trek”, “The Terminator”, “Dr. Who” and “The Twilight Zone”. However, the makers of “Primer” just seem so fixated on creating a really detailed explanation of everything that they forgot to actually make the movie enjoyable. As it is, this is a painful watch because it is so undeniably boring. I’m all for movies that challenge us such as “Dark City”, “The Prestige” and “Fight Club” but the only thing this challenged was my attention span.

“Primal Fear” is an intelligent thriller with some very strong performances. The film is very psychologically disturbing and as a result, I found that some of the violent and sexual imagery was unnecessary because the film does not require them.

In “Primal Fear”, Martin Vail (Richard Gere “Chicago”, “Pretty Woman”) is a hotshot lawyer in Chicago and he seems to get a buzz from defending some of the worst criminals in the city. When a Catholic priest (Stanley Anderson “Armageddon”) is murdered, all the evidence seems to point to a seemingly harmless altar boy (Edward Norton “American History X”, “Red Dragon”). Vail jumps on the case, sure that this will be the most sensational murder trial of the year.

Richard Gere is good as Vail. The movie actually allows us to realise how complex this lawyer character is and it’s a nice touch because the film could have easily made him simplistic. Edward Norton is fantastic as Aaron. Norton gives one of his best performances and he is very convincing (in ways that I cannot explain without giving away too much). The interactions between Gere and Norton are pretty good. Laura Linney (“Congo”) is really good as the prosecutor. Frances McDormand (“Fargo”) and John Mahoney (“Barton Fink”) also have roles here but they are fairly forgettable. The characters that are you going to remember are Vail and Aaron.

“Primal Fear” makes the mistake of showing us gore and some twisted sexual content, we do not need them in a film where the performances are so effective. Edward Norton deserves a lot of credit for his performance and he helps make this film worth watching. The twist ending is very clever and allows the film to end on a real high note. This is a good film that could have been great.

Predator once again finds himself in the jungle in his fifth film, which is essentially just a needless remake of the original. Like the other “Predator” sequels before it, this movie fails to hold a candle to the first. This one certainly isn’t the weakest but at least the others tried something different.

Although it is set on a different planet, there is more than one Predator and there are some other differences, this is basically just a lame version of the original. We see a band of tough humans taking on the creatures in a jungle environment. Several shots and even lines are lifted from the first film and it makes this just a pointless movie.

Adrien Brody (“The Pianist”, “Splice”) stars as Royce, who is virtually the same as Dutch played by Arnold Schwarzenegger (“The Terminator”) but Brody just lacks the physique and voice to come anywhere close to matching his counterpart. The only man in the film that could is Danny Trejo, who has been in the director Robert Rodriguez’s other films such as “Machete” and “Spy Kids”. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have much screen-time and if you’ve seen the original, you can guess why. The Predators don’t really look any better/different so that’s another reason why this is a worthless sequel/remake.

“Predators” is marketed as a sequel but it really isn’t. The film isn’t all that bad but we have the original, which does everything at least twice as good as this. I have been waiting for a good follow-up to “Predator” and I was informed numerous times that this was the one I’d been waiting for but it wasn’t to be. The first film was directed by John McTiernan, whose movies “Die Hard” and “The Hunt For Red October” highly impressed me while Robert Rodriguez’s other efforts have usually been underwhelming.

“The Twilight Zone” delivered many sinister stories so let’s celebrate some of them. Here is my list of some of the seriously disturbing episodes from the original series.

5. The Dummy

There’s something unsettling about ventriloquist dummies. We get a really sinister story involving a ventriloquist’s strange relationship with his dummy. This episode clearly inspired films such as “Magic” with a delve into psychological horror.

4. The Masks

Physical ugliness can sometimes be a reflection of an ugly personality. Nowhere is that point made clearer than with “The Masks”. The ending is still quite disturbing after all these years.

3. Living Doll

Very similar to “The Dummy” in a lot of ways. This one sees Telly Savalas (“The Dirty Dozen”) as a man that becomes tormented by his daughter’s toy doll. The doll seems to dislike him but he becomes increasingly unsure whether it’s the doll that’s the problem or if he’s merely losing his mind.

2. The Silence

Most of the episode is quite mundane as it focuses on a man accepting a challenge to remain silent for a year in exchange for a huge sum of money. The uncomfortable ending is what makes it so memorable by demonstrating just how far some people will go for money.

1. The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street

This episode from the first season does not feature any horrendous monsters or anything like that. However, it does a good job in showcasing just how easily people can be manipulating into turning on one another by external forces. What we see here is microcosm of what happens at the start of civil wars. If that’s not unsettling that I don’t know what is.

Honourable mentions:
Eye of the Beholder, A Nice Place To Visit and Nick Of Time

“Robot Chicken” is a somewhat popular animated sketch show that makes use of action figures. It’s gathered quite a reputation for its disgusting humour using characters from films, cartoons and comics as well as celebrities.

A mad scientist resurrects a dead chicken with the use of robotic parts and now subjects the chicken to watching a variety of crazy sketches. The skits include parodies of films, tv adverts, American politics, children’s cartoon shows such as “Transformers”, “Inspector Gadget” and videogames such as “Sonic The Hedgehog” and “Mortal Kombat”. Get ready to see some really violent and vulgar antics with some of your favourite fictional characters.

The whole gimmick of “Robot Chicken” is that you get to see innocent characters such as Scooby-Doo, Harry Potter or Superman in sketches filled with gore and sexual content. This is not a show for kids because you’ll see depraved sights such as Fred Flintstone getting a colonoscopy and Captain Kirk getting his privates jammed in a door. There are some original characters such as the “Robot Chicken” Nerd. Many of the characters are voiced by series creator Seth Green (“Family Guy”). I think that the animation with the figures certainly has a charm to it.

“Robot Chicken” does have some hilarious moments but so much of it just seems vulgar for no real reason. Some of the material is so disgusting that you simply cannot unsee it. I don’t know about other people but it’s going to be hard to look at the Transformers or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the same way after seeing their appearances in “Robot Chicken”. Some of the skits also don’t really go anywhere and it becomes quite frustrating at times. I admire the animation and I think it’s clear that the makers have a terrific understanding of pop culture but it just isn’t as funny as it could be.