I don’t know if it is even possible for me to encounter a movie more bizarre and more disjointed than “Heavy Metal”. It’s an adult-themed cartoon movie that makes no sense whatsoever, is poorly animated and thinks it’s okay to substitute coherency for nudity and sex. It borders on a cartoon equivalent of movies not available in most cinemas or shops. I considered doing a segment review but some only last roughly five minutes and it’s all about the same level of quality.

In “Heavy Metal”, a green glowing orb named Loc-Nar (Percy Rodriguez) terrorises a young girl with a collection of weird stories about evil, now I thought this was going to be stories of perhaps the deadly sins but it’s just something that I can’t explain.

The animation may seem interesting at times but it really showcases just how weak it is with the characters as frequently what’s onscreen doesn’t sync-up with the audio, now that would be fine if I was watching a foreign film but this isn’t and also this is several decades after Disney gave us some spectacular pieces of animation. Voices include John Candy (“Uncle Buck”), Harold Ramis (“Ghostbusters”) and Richard Romanus (“Mean Streets”) but nobody can help this truly awful film. I was surprised when some characters used drugs, do you really need them if you inhabit this wacky environment?

Many segments don’t even have a point or an ending as such and many of them are poor versions of many other movies and tv shows as we get ones clearly ripping-off “Blade Runner”, “Flash Gordon” and “Barbarella” but then there are plenty that don’t make enough sense for them to be comparable to anything. “Heavy Metal” is like “Alice in Wonderland” without Alice because it is without a narrative. For a movie brimming with such diversity and such weird stuff it somehow manages to render itself completely lifeless.