“Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties” is an interactive movie from 1994. It features so little interactivity that it barely qualifies as a videogame and features so little motion that you would struggle to classify it as a motion picture. It’s little more than a slideshow version of a cheesy sex comedy and it’s truly disastrous in every possible way.

A beautiful young woman by the name of Jane (Jeanne Basone) and a plumber by the name of John are destined to meet. You must make the correct decisions to help them fall in love and have a future together. Wrong decisions often lead to bizarre results.

Despite the fact that the formats it was originally released on could handle playing video, most of “Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties” is just a series of still images so expect the cast to look rather stiff. There is one brief sequence at the beginning that actually is a normal video. It involves Jane talking and then for some reason, the camera zooms in on her breasts. Jane and John are not remotely engaging characters. Jane goes to get a new job and there’s a creepy boss that wants her to strip for him. There’s also an annoying narrator, who sometimes wears chicken mask. Seriously, I have no idea’s what’s going on.

“Plumbers Don't Wear Ties” is nonsensical. I did laugh at parts of it because it’s just absurd. There are pointless colour filters, awkward scenes of a sexual nature and a guy in a chicken mask. There is both a censored and uncensored version. Thankfully, I saw the censored version as I really didn’t need to see any more of the characters than I did. This whole production is just madness. Regardless of whether you view it as a movie, a videogame or just some novelty product, it’s unbelievably bad.