“Kung Fu Killer” (also known as “Kung Fu Jungle”) is a hardcore martial arts movie starring Donnie Yen (“Flash Point”, “Shanghai Knights”). It takes itself very seriously and reminded me a little bit of “The Raid”. There’s nothing wrong with it as such but it could have been substantially better.

A vicious serial killer (Baoqiang Wang “Mr. Tree”) is murdering martial artists. Hahou Mo (Yen) is a prisoner that believes he can help the authorities find the man responsible for the grisly crimes. To find the killer, one must understand the mind of a true martial artist. A deadly game between warriors has commenced.

I really do like Donnie Yen as a martial artist because he has some truly impressive skills. His performances are not quite as enjoyable as those given by Jackie Chan (“Rush Hour”) or Jet Li (“Fist Of Legend”) but he usually does a reasonable job. I think the problem with his character here is that we either get too much information or too little. Either make him a mysterious figure or really help us to get behind him. The villain is rather forgettable. The police characters are a little dull. Everybody does a good job during the fight scenes.

“Kung Fu Killer” has a somewhat interesting premise and with Donnie Yen in the lead, this could have been a terrific movie. The fight scenes are very intense but very few of them are memorable. The plot and the characters also had the potential to be a lot more engaging. The only thing that’s really bad is the special effects for the trucks during the final battle. The rest of the movie is okay but it leaves you wondering about what could have been. This is clearly a film made by people that love the martial arts genre as we see posters of Bruce Lee’s “The Big Boss” and Jackie Chan’s “Drunken Master” plays on a television in one scene.

“Black Dawn” is a really bad action flick and it looks so cheap and nasty. It stars Steven Seagal (“Out For Justice”, “Fire Down Below”), who reprises his role of Jonathan Cold from “The Foreigner”. It’s only loosely connected to “The Foreigner” so you don’t need to sit through that movie to watch this one.

In “Black Dawn”, secret agent Jonathan Cold is hired to break a man out of his prison. He subsequently gets hired to authenticate a nuclear weapon that arms dealers want to sell. A group of Chechen terrorists are hoping to buy the bomb so that they can detonate it in Los Angeles as a form of retaliation against the United States for assassinating their leader.

Seagal apparently abandoned the shoot of “Black Dawn” before filming the action sequences. The stunt doubles are so noticeable in this movie. Amanda Stuart (Tamara Davies) is another secret agent and she was trained by Cold. Seagal and Davies have no onscreen chemistry whatsoever. There are just too many bad guys in this movie. We have the arms dealers, the Chechen militants and some shadowy government figures. None of them are well written so you’ll easily forget about them after the movie is over.

“Black Dawn” has opening with possibly the worst audio editing I’ve heard in a motion picture. We repeatedly hear the same lines of dialog and it’s just so irritating. Things don’t get much better as the action sequences are really unimpressive, the special effects look really bad and the plot is a mess. “The Foreigner” had a lot of problems but it’s way better than “Black Dawn”. Really, I should not compare the two as “Black Dawn” is as much a sequel to “The Foreigner” as virtually any other Seagal film. Even fans of Seagal are likely to be unimpressed by this one as the use of stunt doubles is so obvious.

“Beyond The Law” is a really average crime thriller. The movie’s marketing would lead you to believe that Steven Seagal (“Under Siege”, “Above The Law”) and DMX (“Cradle 2 The Grave”) are the stars (the two previously did “Exit Wounds” together) but that’s pretty misleading marketing.

Frank Wilson (Johnny Messner “Tears of the Sun”, “Running Scared”) is an ex-cop that returns to the city he used to work in so that he can find the people responsible for murdering his son. He must deal with dangerous mobsters and corrupt cops, who will stop at nothing to prevent him from finding out the truth.

Johnny Messner is completely disposable as Frank Wilson. The character is dull and the performance is equally dull. I just could not get invested in his attempts to get revenge. As I mentioned, Seagal and DMX are not the stars. They both have small roles with DMX playing a corrupt cop and Seagal playing the head of a crime family. Both men look like they just turned up to collect their money. Seagal even spends most of his scenes sitting down (something that is becoming all too common in his newer films). The other characters are not very memorable.

“Beyond The Law” is somewhat stylish but there’s nothing remarkable about any of it. The action sequences are tolerable and the story is nothing to write home about. It’s the same as many other crime films and many other revenge thrillers. I mean, if you are massively into crime thrillers then maybe you might enjoy “Beyond The Law”. If you want a decent film with Seagal and DMX then go and watch “Exit Wounds” (it’s surprisingly good). Whatever you do, don’t get fooled by the marketing of “Beyond The Law” and expecting Seagal and DMX to be the stars.

Many people know that directors that didn’t want to attach their names to films they were ashamed of could use the ‘Alan Smithee’ pseudonym. Well, that practice was ended by “An Alan Smithee Film Burn Hollywood Burn”. This is a film about a director named Alan Smithee that cannot use the pseudonym but the real director of this movie (Arthur Hiller “See No Evil, Hear No Evil”) was so ashamed of it, he himself used the pseudonym. Confused yet?

“Burn Hollywood Burn” is a sort of mockumentary that about director Alan Smithee (Eric Idle “The Life Of Brian”), who is incredibly displeased with his latest film. It’s an action movie starring Sylvester Stallone (“First Blood”), Whoopi Goldberg (“Sister Act”) and Jackie Chan (“Twin Dragons”) but Smithee fears that it stinks so his steals the reels. Studio executives (Ryan O’Neal “Barry Lyndon”, Richard Jeni “The Mask”) rush to find Smithee and the film.

Everybody in this movie looks like they are being held hostage. It’s such a shame to see the great Eric Idle go from “Monty Python” to this disaster. Ryan O’Neal is painful to watch. Stallone, Goldberg and even Chan are all just awful to watch. Other cast members include rapper Coolio and disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein. There is a single shot where see Idle, Stallone, Goldberg and Chan altogether; it provided some novelty value but that’s it.

“Burn Hollywood Burn” is a terrible movie that tries to satirise the shallow and synthetic nature of Hollywood but the film itself is as shallow and synthetic as they come. If you want a much better satire about Hollywood then watch “Bowfinger” with Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy. “Burn Hollywood Burn” is probably not one of the absolute worst movies ever made but it’s lifeless. You know you have a problem when you have Jackie Chan in your movie and he cannot inject any energy into it.

“Kill Switch” is another serial killer thriller like “The Bone Collector” and “Manhunter”. It’s a rather generic and forgettable flick but it does feature possibly the worst editing I’ve ever seen during its action sequences. It’s monumentally bad and I sincerely hope that the editors never found any work again.

Haunted since childhood by the murder of his brother, Jacob King (Steven Seagal “Hard To Kill”, “On Deadly Ground”) is a tough cop in pursuit of a sadistic serial killer that leaves zodiac symbols at the scenes of his crimes. Meanwhile, another serial killer avoids jail and now wants revenge on King for taking him down.

Seagal appears to be dubbed in several scenes (something that happens in several of his movies). It’s always really jarring because they never find somebody that manages to sound remotely like him. It’s also blatantly obvious that Seagal didn’t do most of the fighting in this movie. I don’t think I’ve seen a film with a more noticeable use of stunt doubles. The serial killers are rather lame and they certainly are not as memorable as Anthony Hopkins’ Hannibal Lecter. Isaac Hayes (“Escape From New York”) has a small role but doesn’t get to do anything even vaguely exciting.

The action sequences in this movie are horrendous. The cuts are so fast and many shots are recycled. There’s one particular shot of Seagal used several times during a fight scene in a bar that it almost felt like it was something from the spoof film “Kung Pow: Enter The Fist”. Aside from the shockingly awful editing, this is a real underwhelming thriller. I just did not care about what was going on. I don’t think it’s one of Seagal’s worst movies but it’s not good by any means. If you are a film editor and you want to see a guide on how not to edit films then give “Kill Switch” a watch.

“Bad Taste” is a practically unwatchable film from director Peter Jackson (“Braindead”). Based on this film, I cannot believe that Jackson would go on to direct “The Lord of the Rings” films and the 2005 remake of “King Kong”. However, this was a little independent film he shot with a few friends. He apparently took a whopping four years to shoot it.

A small New Zealand town comes under attack by aliens that run an intergalactic fast-food chain and they want humans on the menu. A team of men dispatched by New Zealand’s government go to investigate and must do battle with the alien invaders.

Jackson himself stars in “Bad Taste” in multiple roles. Various other roles are occupied by his friends. The characters are just all awkward and boring. The only real positive I can talk about is the design of the aliens. For most of the film, they are disguised as humans but when their true form is revealed, the designs are fairly unique. The costumes don’t exactly look good but you can see that a lot of effort went into them and the gory effects when they are killed show that this was a passion project for the chaps that made this film.

The premise of “Bad Taste” actually sounds kind of fun and I went into this expecting the same form of goofy fun I got from Troma films such as “The Toxic Avenger” and “Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.”. However, this is just an abysmal picture. The movie is not long yet it felt like an eternity. Every scene is uncomfortable and there is no clear structure. It’s got all the same trashy components as a Troma film, it just lacks the witty writing. If you are a fan of Jackson’s later movies then maybe you might get a kick out of seeing just how bizarrely his first movie is from the work that he has become famous for.

Jet Li (“Fearless”, “Last Hero In China”) stars in “High Risk” (also known as “Meltdown”), a great action film that satirises “Die Hard”, “Speed” and Jackie Chan (“Police Story”, “Project A”). The action here is as exhilarating as possible and it’s a shame that this film gets overlooked (at least outside Asia) as it’s a lot better than other films similar to “Die Hard” such as “Under Siege” and “Cliffhanger”.

After failing to save his wife from a terrorist (Kelvin Wong), Kit Li (Jet Li) is now working as a bodyguard and stuntman for action star Frankie Lone (Jacky Cheung). When the same terrorist seizes control of a skyscraper, Kit must find a way to bring him down.

Jet Li is fantastic here. He dives around, kicking and shooting at everybody in sight. The Frankie Lone character is a spoof of Jackie Chan. The director worked with Chan on “City Hunter” and the two had a feud so here, the Malone character is an alcoholic and a womaniser that does not do all his own stunts. While it is somewhat funny, it does feel a bit more like the filmmakers were just trying to get back at Chan rather than focus on making great entertainment. The other characters are okay and some of them get to show off their impressive fighting skills.

Helicopters, cars, explosions, snakes and nunchucks, “High Risk” has them all. This is probably the most explosive Hong Kong action film I’ve seen since “Hard Boiled”. A few of the gags are a little lame but you cannot deny the greatness of the action sequences. If you love Hong Kong action films such as “Supercop” and American ones such as “Die Hard” then you simply must see “High Risk”. This is sadly an overlooked film in Li’s library.

“Lake Placid” is sort-of a mix of “Tremors” and “The River Wild” with its monster on a lake setting and its as cheesy as both of those pictures. It’s not a great film but it certainly delivers a satisfying film about a crocodile on the loose.

In “Lake Placid”, a Fish and Game officer (Bill Pullman “Independence Day”), a palaeontologist (Bridget Fonda “Kiss of the Dragon”), a sheriff (Brendan Gleeson “Braveheart”) and a millionaire crocodile enthusiast (Oliver Platt “2012”) are the hunt for a creature in a lake in Maine after a fatal attack. It isn’t long before they discover what they’re looking for is a crocodile.

Bill Pullman is okay but Brendan Gleeson steals the show as Sheriff Hank Keough. The interactions between Sheriff Keough and the crocodile enthusiast are pretty funny most of the time. Bridget Fonda is alright but the whole reason why the character is even there feels so forced that the character feels as if they’ve merely been added for no real reason. I disliked the old lady (Betty White) in the film. The crocodile looks pretty impressive and I particularly like the scene in which it eats a bear. It looks a lot better than the snake in “Anaconda” and the shark in the “Jaws” sequels.

“Lake Placid” is definitely a silly film but the creature looks good and you can engage with the goofiness; it isn’t quite as witty as a film such as “Tremors”. I don’t know why the film is generally so disliked because if you go into expecting a cheesy crocodile film then how can you be disappointed with what’s on offer? There aren’t enough of these films in cinemas these days, it seems most films with creatures attacking people air only on TV and it’s a shame because I think it often means less effort goes into them. All-round, if you like films about creatures on the attack then I think you’ll enjoy “Lake Placid”.

I assume that “Laid To Rest” is supposed to be a member of a new generation of slasher films. It’s not entirely bad but the movie features unnecessarily graphic violence and the characters are pretty stupid. I was hoping for more of a mystery film but what I got was a mere celebration of gore.

A young woman (Bobbi Sue Luther) wakes up in a casket with a traumatic head injury and no memory of who she is or how she got there. She soon finds herself struggling to survive the night as she is stalked by the relentless Chromeskull. It’s pretty much your average slasher flick with a masked killer hunting a small group of people.

The characters in “Laid To Rest” are rather dumb. I lost count of the amount of times that people failed to kill Chromeskull as they somehow miss shots from yards away. It’s that sort-of thing that makes you lose respect for the movie and its writers. The Chromeskull villain wears one of the most generic Halloween masks out there. Like Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees, Chromeskull does not speak. However, he does communicate through text messages and he also makes use of video cameras as the man likes to record his executions and send them to the authorities. However, any credibility he has goes out the window when you see him get defeated (I will not reveal how).

If you like watching particularly brutal murder scenes then “Laid To Rest” definitely delivers on that front. I imagine the people that enjoyed the “Friday The 13th” films and the “A Nightmare On Elm Street” series will have a lot of fun with this movie. Everybody else will find “Laid To Rest” to be nothing more than another bland film about slicing and dicing morons.

“Lady In The Water” is a bizarre fantasy picture that is less of a movie and more of ego trip for director M. Night Shyamalan (“Signs”, “The Sixth Sense”). “Lady In The Water” is arguably the most self-indulgent movie ever made.

An apartment building caretaker by the name of Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti “Sideways”) encounters a water nymph (Bryce Dallas Howard “Jurassic World”), who has somehow emerged straight out of a bedtime story. She is here to tell a writer (Shyamalan) that he is destined to write a book that will help save the entire world. After her mission is complete, she must return home but the tenants of the apartment building must protect her from strange creatures determined to stop her.

We never understand much about the water nymph character nor do we really understand about any of the strange creatures after her. Bryce Dallas Howard gives a dull performance. Paul Giamatti is bland as Cleveland. Shyamalan regularly gives himself a cameo role for his movies but here, the entire story is centred around his character. His role so clearly parallels his own vision of himself that the film also features a snobby film critic character. It’s unbelievable that Shyamalan was delusional enough to cast himself in such a prophetic role.

“Lady In The Water” is a highly strange film. Nothing in here makes any real sense and it’s a shame because there are individual ideas that seem sort-of original and creative but there is just no getting away from the fact that this Shyamalan telling himself how great he is. It’s definitely not Shyamalan’s worst effort but it is certainly him at his narcissistic peak. Everybody always wants to know the twist when it comes to a Shyamalan; this movie’s twist is that it won’t be remembered when he’s gone.